I have failed…ME Wednesday, May 23 2012 

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Lost in the past…Lost in memories…Lost in what WAS…

Lost…

I have taken my eyes off of the goal…

I have forgotten the journey that brought me here…

The journey that brought me from the person I once was…

The journey to the person I have worked so hard to be…

The pain…

The pain I felt then….The pain I feel now…The pain caused to others…The pain is the same…

The pain caused by the person I used to be…

There’s a reason I left that person behind…

Weak….Afraid….Broken….

I have failed….ME

Trying to fix everything around me….

I have taken the reigns from Christ….

I cannot look backwards…

The past is gone…all that’s left is now…

I must focus, not on what once was…

I must focus on what is…

Not the then….

But the now….

I cannot retrace my steps…

I must make new ones…

I cannot pick up where the past left off…

The past is broken…

Reconstruction is not possible…

Only new construction is….

It starts now…

It’s a new day…

Time to reflect…

Time to find me again…

The me I have become…

Strong…Courageous…Whole in Him…

The realization…

Remembering where I am….is not where others may be…yet, the respect must be the same…

I am better than I used to be…

I am remembering the journey…

The journey continues…

Mistakes made…

Are lessons learned…

My eyes are back on the goal…

Found….

Found in the now….found in making new memories…found in what IS…

~Bek~

How WILLING is your HEART? Wednesday, Jan 12 2011 

Two weeks ago, a friend and I had lunch at one of our local Asian restaurants.  Just as the tradition always is, at the end of the meal, the waitress handed us our ticket along with our fortune cookies.  I, for one, never eat the fortune cookie, but I love to read them.  I carefully squeezed the cookie until it split, revealing a small slip of paper.  I slowly removed it from its crumbled shell and unfolded it.  On this tiny piece of paper, read these profound words:

“Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.”

The literal meaning of this proverb is that nothing is impossible to someone who sets their mind to a particular thing, for it will be achieved.  While this is true, my inquisitive mind began analyzing this phrase to find a deeper meaning.  I carefully repeated this phrase in my mind, “Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.  NOTHING is impossible to a willing heart.”  The more that I said it over and over, the more I realized that the focus should not be on the words ‘nothing’ or ‘impossible,’ but rather on ‘A WILLING HEART.’

The word willing, means ‘cheerfully consenting.’  Heart is defined as the ‘center of total personality, especially with reference to feeling or emotion; capacity for compassion and affection; the vital, or essential core.’

WOW!  Right there, in the definitions of those two words, is the deeper meaning to this profound statement. 

We tend to only look at this proverb as something considered meant for ourselves.  We read it and say, “I can set my mind to something and accomplish it.”  But as I read these words and plugged in these definitions, I realized what I was actually reading.  Nothing is impossible to a WILLING HEART.

Today, in this world, most have forgotten what it means to be a Christian and to love.  We look at people and immediately judge them, not knowing what situation they may be faced with, or how far they have come in life after overcoming struggles.  We have never walked in their shoes, why should we be given the right to judge?  I am guilty of this very thing. 

Just the other day, a man, who I assumed to be homeless, walked up to my friend and I asking for money.  I, cold-heartedly, turned away, while my friend reached into her pocket and pulled out a ten dollar bill.  After he walked away, I asked her why she gave him ten dollars….after all, money is hard to come by and my only concern was what he would do with it.  She then asked me why I chose to turn away and not even consider the fact that out of all the people asking for money, this one might actually be wise with the money she gave him.  It was like a slap in the face to me.  I was put in my place.  In just two seconds, with only a few words from his mouth, I judged him.  Because of her WILLING HEART, she opened a window of possibilites for that man.  IF ONLY I had a willing heart, could it have been possible that he would have taken my ten dollars and used it to buy a hamburger or a new shirt? 

Everyone, I am sure, has heard the phrase, “you can’t judge a book by its cover.”  If we know that, then why does it happen all the time?  Why is it that when someone walks up and introduces themselves, some people think right then and there that the person in front of them isn’t worth their time?  Why is it that assumptions are made, that hinder what could become the greatest friendship, or the greatest love that someone could ever have?  Assumption – taken for granted.  Judgement – the forming of an opinion or conclusion.  How can we just make an assumption or a judgement from only the first impression we get from someone?  Shouldn’t we allow a little time to get to know that person, to hear their story, to know their dreams for their future?  We can choose our friends, and the people we are associated with, but we must first have a WILLING HEART to give them a chance.  It is not our place to judge….It is ALMIGHTY GOD’s!!! 

As Christians, we need to remember that Jesus does not look at us for what we look like, or what and who we are.  He looks inside of each and every one of us.  He looks deep within our hearts.  We, as human beings, should follow after Him and His example.  Even some churches push people away.  Discrimination is a major part of this problem.  A church is a haven…..a hospital…..a place that is supposed to show mercy, care,  and love.  It is not a place that determines who can be there because of the color of their skin or the lifestyle they might lead.  Cliques in the church also drive people away.  There are those who no longer feel accepted or wanted by people.  Although it is not intended that a person go to church for others, to feel unaccepted in a place where God wants EVERYONE to be welcome, is not of WILLING HEARTS.  We should see others as God sees them…….a soul.  It is our purpose, as Christians, to show others the love of Christ.  If we choose to judge others, to make assumptions about others, and to immediately turn our backs towards them….what kind of Christians would we be?  Do you think that God would be pleased?  If you judge someone else, then you should stop and judge yourself for judging them.  Most of all, think about how God is judging you.  Judging is a sin.  No sin is greater than another.  Remember that the next time you assume that someone has great sins upon them….for if you are wrong, you will be the only one with sin.  Have a WILLING HEART, that you might show someone God’s love.  Endless possibilities might open for not only them, but also for you; and because of your WILLING HEART, your light will shine…and you will be blessed. 

By having a WILLING HEART, we become less judgemental, more caring, more thoughtful, more loving, and more understanding.  It is time that we look at others, through the eyes of Christ, just as my friend did.  May our WILLING HEARTS be open….to possibilities….

“Nothing is impossible to a cheerful consenting, vital core of compassion and affection.”

~Bek~

The Uncertainties of Life Monday, Jan 10 2011 

A friend asked if I had made any New Years resolutions…to which, of course, I replied, “No.”  I haven’t made resolutions in quite a while.  (I have never really believed in them, because you don’t just change the way you are at the stroke of midnight.)  She then asked me what was the one thing that I would choose if I had to.  It really hit me.  What I want this year is to be completely true to myself and to who I am.  I no longer want to worry about how others perceive me.  I am an honest person, but I want to be a more open person to those I love and to those that I truly care about.  I have a problem sharing things vocally at times, usually worried that I will say the wrong things, or worried that I cannot accurately express myself.  I’m tired of living with regrets because of the things I have chosen not to say and/or do.  I do not know what lies ahead of me and this change in my outlook…and my desire to have more self-confidence in this new year.  It will be a challenge…but I will achieve it.

All this triggered my thought process…about change…uncertainties…and regrets.  Who is to know what the future holds?  Who is to know where each step we take will lead us?  But what opportunities will we miss out on if we do not choose to take those steps toward our future?

Life is full  of uncertainties – doubt, hesitancy, indeterminacy, unpredictability, indefiniteness.  We ask ourselves, “what if?”….   What if things never change?  What if they do and it is the wrong decision?  What if I regret taking a chance on something?  What if I don’t take that chance, will I regret never taking it? ….  What if!?  We can ask ourselves that question all day long, but if we wait to do everything until we know for sure that things are right, or certain, then we will never do much of anything.  We have to make choices, take chances, and at times make changes, in order to survive this crazy thing called life.  Uncertainty – worry, skepticism, concern, confusion, indecision.  What if!? …  If – a supposition; an uncertainty.  Asking the question, “what if,” will either make us step back and reevaluate, or make us lose out on greater possibilities.  How will we ever know what the future holds by always stopping and asking ourselves “what if”?  Life is full of regrets…but it’s not the things you do that you regret, it’s the things that you don’t do and wish you had that you regret the most.  No choice, chance, or change in life is ever perfect.  That is what makes life – our existence – so hard at times.  Our uncertainties can either develop us or damage us.  Change can be consumed with fear…fear of heartache or regret.  We have to stop and ask ourselves, what will we lose in this change; but we must also ask ourselves, is this fear of change really worth losing the possibility of gaining something greater?  Choice – selection; chance – possibility, or favorable opportunity; change – to transform, or to pass gradually into.  We cannot predict the future.  We cannot determine what will happen next in life.  All we can do is take baby steps into the next window of opportunity.  Though there are always consequences to every decision made, live in the moment and choose what will make you happy.  Growth does not happen without change.  Change does not happen without fear, pain, or loss.  Without pain, we have no growth.  Every decision can be made without regrets as long as you are able, in the end, to look in the mirror with a smile on your face and say, “life has its uncertainties and its what if’s, but I am determined to live it, knowing that I opened the door of change for greater possibilities.”  Life is full of uncertainties – we can either let them control us, or we can overcome them…we all have a choice…

I, for one, no longer want to live in fear of change and the things that I desire.  I am holding on to faith — the belief in what I cannot see, prove, or touch.  I am choosing to run, FULL-SPEED, into the unknown.

“Sometimes those things that scare us the most are also the ones that have the potential to make us the happiest.”

From this point on…I will learn to care less about what others think of me…and focus more on who I am…the person I am becoming…and my happiness.  I will surround myself with people who know that I make mistakes and still love me anyway.  I will always strive to do my best for others, but I am not perfect.

Take me as I am….or watch me as I go.

~Bek~