You Have A Choice!!! Wednesday, Feb 5 2014 

735178_10200242197079716_77444777_n After reading several statuses, on Facebook, in the past few days, I thought I should share this: I used to question why things have happened to me – why have people treated me as they have – referring to past relationships, past friendships, etc. I would get so tired of being used, hurt, talked down to, made to feel guilty, and rejected.  Yet, I have never been one who enjoys drama (except the kind of drama found on TV and in movies – you have to have a little SVU, in your life!!).  I steer clear of drama, every chance I get, trying to keep the peace, as much as possible.  At times, I have felt manipulated, and only wanted around when needed; at times, I was.  Many times, I felt played; many times, I was.  But, it was easier to just keep my opinions to myself, to just do what I was asked, to give more than what was being received – not because I’m a pushover… again, I was keeping the peace.  You see, I was always told to “be me.”  I didn’t like how others were treating me.  I didn’t want to be like them.  So, I gave of myself, how I would hope others would be to me.  I still do. While reading those certain statuses, that I mentioned earlier, I saw in them pain, hurt, bitterness, rejection.  I saw anger, depression, and shame.  I saw blame, manipulation, and control – blaming another for something (which, may have indeed been true), but allowing that persons actions to eventually control their own; hence, the cross-manipulation, bitterness, anger, resentment, etc.  Sure, my life has not been the easiest.  These last few years – 2010 & 2011 – were two of my hardest years.  2012, was on the verge of that as well, but during my hardest month, of 2012, I was told something that really struck me:

No one can control the actions of others. But, what can be controlled is how you allow others to treat you…and how you react to it.

“No one can make you feel inferior, without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt “Men will treat you the way you let them.” – Tucker Max The realization came to me… It is perfectly acceptable to “be me,” but it is also perfectly acceptable to set boundaries for myself.  I cannot solely fault those, who have hurt or used me, for their actions, for it has been my actions that have decided, in the end, what “happened to me.”  I said all of that, to say this… if you feel used, don’t allow yourself to be used again.  Be you and be there for that person, yet set your boundaries! You may not be able to jump and fulfill their every need… DO THEY HELP YOU TOO?  If you feel manipulated, don’t manipulate back… STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!  YOU DESERVE BETTER!  If someone hurts you.. TELL THEM.. TALK IT OUT.. DO NOT HURT BACK!  (If you do, you’re only stooping to their level.)  If you’re being played… again, you deserve better.  Someone who loves you and cares about you will NOT play you… WALK AWAY!!!!  If you have been rejected… that was that person’s loss… don’t keep looking at the door that’s closed.. there is someone else waiting for you to see them… OPEN THE NEXT DOOR!!!  Be with the person that knows what they have when they have you… not after they lose you. You may think you have such a horrible life, but you’re making it horrible, by dwelling on what is done and cannot be changed.  At this moment, you have the right to change your story’s ending.  Start writing the next chapter.  Stop worrying yourself, with the actions of others.  Sure it’s ok to question, but start controlling the way you deal with it. You may have been the victim, but you have a choice whether or not to stay the victim.  You also have the choice whether or not to be the next offender.  FORGIVE AND MOVE ON!!!!! STOP POSTING YOUR PROBLEMS ON FACEBOOK…. and BE HAPPY FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE GOING RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE!!! Live life knowing that, no matter what others have done, or chose to do to you, you gave it your best shot… for yourself, and for others.  Let people know how you want to be treated.  Place your boundaries.  Don’t lose yourself in others. Stop concerning yourself with trying to make someone else a better person… BE A BETTER YOU!!! Remember this… Disempowerment is YOUR CHOICE and ONLY YOURS!!!   ~Bek

Was It Worth It? ~ The life of a 19 year old angel Saturday, Mar 19 2011 

This past week, I was told of 7 people who had passed away – each because of different circumstances.  All stories are very sad and overwhelming to the family and friends.  For those who were ill, even though they knew death was near, it doesn’t make that loss any easier.

There was one story, however, that truly impacted my life.  It’s a story of a young, 19-year-old, woman.  She was traveling back to her hometown, to visit her grandparents, when her life was instantly taken from her in a very tragic automobile accident.  You may say, things like this happen all the time and then ask why did this story of someone I never met impact me so greatly.  The following is my answer:

Megan, in her short 19 years, already had a more fulfilled life than I.  She was full of life, full of purpose, full of desire and passion.  Not only was I told this from some of her friends (friends that only knew her very little — maybe met once or twice), but also from reading what people wrote in the their condolences, and from watching videos of her that were being posted on Facebook.  Everything that has been said about her has not been negative.  Everyone that speaks of her tells that she was very humble, caring, giving, thoughtful, accepting, and loving.

Today, I had the privilege of attending such a beautiful ceremony, celebrating the life of this young woman, Megan.  There are not enough words to describe the wide array of emotions that were converged into one room — sadness, joy, loss, peace, disbelief, comfort, and most of all LOVE.

“One day your life will flash before your eyes.  Make sure it’s worth watching.” 

That quote has been playing over and over in my mind ever since Tuesday, March 15, 2011 when I first heard of Megan’s tragic accident and how young she was.  I even questioned, why did this have to happen to her?  Why did someone so young, who hasn’t even truly lived, leave this earth so suddenly?  WHY!?  The answer to that question may never be known.  I have to wonder, what did Megan see?  What a story that had to be…..

I began to look deep inside myself….soul-searching.  I asked myself this question…. If I were to die today, at almost 26 years old, could I say that my life was worth it?

During the ceremony today, with every word that was spoken, with every emotion felt, you knew that she truly lived, she truly loved, and she was truly happy.  No, that doesn’t take away the fact that her life ended too soon, but it gives peace to those who knew her and loved her — to know that she lived a life of fulfillment.

Throughout her childhood, her parents instilled in her everything that they knew….everything that they thought she should know about life, love, happiness…and of GOD. God gives us all free-will.  When it came time for her to be responsible for herself, she took everything that was instilled in her and did not use them for the gifts and desires of this world, but rather for the GLORY OF GOD.

Again, you ask me how do I know these things, if I never met her…..  in a way, I feel I did.  She had such an impact on so many people’s lives — young, old, rich, poor, friends, and even strangers.   Because of this, stories are ringing out….stories of again, life, love, and happiness.

I want to learn to live like her — fearless, determined, humble, optimistic…..the list goes on and on.

I want to learn to love like her.  Megan’s boyfriend, Jordan, described their love for each other today.  Even though her feet are no longer touching the ground, his love continues on.  Because, “when you’re ruined (when you are in love with someone, loving them with all your heart, and there’s no possible way anyone else can compare), you don’t want to settle for less.”  While we all deserve to be loved and love like that in return, that isn’t the type of love that I am speaking of, for that is a different kind of love.  I want to learn to love like her — a love for the rich, the homeless, the healthy, the sick….indiscriminate love…..selfless love….

“We were always supposed to accomplish two basic tasks — Love God, Love People.  Everything else is just commentary! ” – Megan

The combination of these two things is what made her happy…. It is what made her who she was.  People will not remember you for the things you accomplished in school, your position at work, or what you were……they will remember you for WHO you were….for how you lived…if you were happy.  Megan is remembered for who she was — an earthly angel.

She accomplished this, by seeking after God….  I feel as if her life was based on this prayer:  “Open my eyes to things unseen.  Show me how to love like YOU have loved me.  Break my heart for what breaks YOURS.  Everything I am for YOUR kingdom’s cause.  As I walk from earth to Eternity.”

I can only imagine that when she looked into the face of Jesus, He looked her in the eyes and said, “well done…..WELL DONE….YOUR LIFE WAS WORTH IT!!!”

So today, I begin a new journey….. a journey to follow in the example of this 19-year-old woman.  She will forever be remembered.  Her legacy has surpassed many.  If I can only be half the person she was….

As the saying goes, “you have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”  The way that Megan made people feel…..that can never be repaid.  Megan truly lived.  She continues living…..eternally…..no longer an earthly angel but, now and forever a Heavenly angel.

Again, I ask myself and I ask you….

HAVE WE TRULY LIVED?  HAVE WE TRULY LOVED?  ARE WE TRULY HAPPY?

IS YOUR LIFE WORTH WATCHING?

 

Megan Hollingsworth

June 24, 1991 – March 15, 2011

 

~Bek~

Are you living or just existing? Tuesday, Mar 1 2011 

Each day we awake….we open our eyes….we breathe…

We awake with a choice….

A choice to exist…..or a choice to live….

What’s the difference?

To exist is to have life….

To live is to be alive….

Life is the general or universal condition of human existance….

But to be alive….to be alive is to have the quality of life…..to abound…

I don’t want to wake each day to the same routine…

I want to make each day truly matter….

To live like each day is my last…

I refuse to settle.

I think back to the three amazing women I had the priviledge to spend Christmas with….

One showed me that even through heartache….unconditional love exists…

Another showed me that acceptance isn’t everything….but to be true to yourself and to God is what completely matters…

The third showed me that come what may….through pain and fear….I can find strength….I can find courage….I can hold on to hope and faith…

I began on a journey this year….

a journey to chase after my rainbow….

At the end of 2010 I grasped that rainbow….

Though I am fighting the storm coming against me….

I am holding on…

Because I don’t want to just exist…

I want to live like I were dying….

To live my life to the fullest…

To take it all in…

To be happy…

To love…

TO BE ALIVE!!!

Will you choose to exist or to live?  Will you choose to have life or to be alive?

I Hope You Dance

~Bek~

Be mine? Infatuation vs. Love Tuesday, Feb 15 2011 

Valentines Day 2011

Today, I read many Facebook posts saying “I Love You” – between married couples, dating couples, the old, and the young.  I sat there contemplating how many of these posts were really based on love or just infatuation.

Infatuation

“foolish or all-absorbing passion or instance of this; foolish or extravagant passion”

 

LOVE

“a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm, personal attachment or deep affection; affectionate concern for the well-being of another”

 

Too many times, I see people, both young and old, abusing the word “LOVE.”  It’s meaning becomes diminished by infatuation, instead of the REAL THING.

 

THE SIMILARITIES:

Infatuation and Love, both, typically begin with attraction.  They both give the feeling of excitement and happiness.  They both leave you desiring more.

 

THE DIFFERENCES:

 

Infatuation

carried by attraction; physical desire; crush; lust……based solely on emotions (attraction)……focused on outward beauty……blind to flaws…..avoid problems……anxiety…..insecure and jealous…..fear of loneliness…..you compromise yourself and change who you are for that person….focused on the physical relationship……”I would die if you left me”…..mainly interested in satisfying your needs or wants….you want what you are feeling to be reciprocated above all else…..you aren’t aware of what you are getting yourself in, but rather act on impulse…..”in love” with the idea of being in love……when the excitement has worn off, you begin to see the person differently……weakened by time and separation

 

LOVE

romance; passion; attachment; commitment…..communication and devotion outweigh physical intimacy and emotions…..open and honest to flaws, but accept the person for everything they are……and without trying to change them for you, encourage them to be everything they can be……willing to work through all problems…..compromise through decisions……trusting…..feeling your soul connected with another……you work together as one…….without compromising principles and convictions, because you share common goals, morals, faith, interests……you respect each other….and even though you continue to grow within yourselves, allow yourselves to grow within each other and with GOD…..your emotions deepen with time, even through misunderstandings and conflicts…..you do not expect anything in return……wanting the best for the other person, whether or not you get hurt in the end……you want the other person to be completely happy with our without you…..you are very aware of what you are getting yourself into and you want it with everything you have……you stop and think about it, yet still want it…..when the excitement has worn off, you still feel for that person like you did in the very beginning….you still want to be with that person through thick and thin….strengthened by time and separation….even through the pain…..

 

Infatuation is based on attraction and impulse.  Infatuated with the idea of romance and love.  When infatuation transcends beyond these things….it grows into love.

Love is based on attraction, communication, attachment, passion, commitment.  Love is patient.  Love is understanding.  Love is seeing the person for EVERYTHING they are.  Love is looking into a person’s heart and soul.  Love is trust, not jealousy.  Love is based on mutual respect.  Love, though it involves compromise and effort, is held together because you truly want it to.  Love means having the desire to wake up every morning to that person beside you.  Love means, after time, you are still able to look at that person and say, “This feeling I’m feeling is something I’ve never known and I just can’t take my eyes off of you.”  “For it was not  into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.  It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”  Love means loving the little things, the things that most would never see.  Love means giving everything you have to it, because you know it’s worth it.  “To love unconditionally, you give them your whole heart, not just bits and pieces from behind a wall with limits and conditions.”  And love…. LOVE….TRUE LOVE….means wanting happiness for the other person…and there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to make them feel your love….even if it means letting them go.

 

The first time I said “I love you,” it was based on infatuation…..infatuation with the idea of love….the idea of relationship…..the idea of never again being alone.  I spent part of my life in a relationship that was primarily based on that infatuation.  Sure, I grew to care, which grew to love.  But LOVE and being IN LOVE are two different things.  That relationship ended.   I vowed that I would never again say the words “I LOVE YOU,” unless I truly meant it with every part of my body, mind, heart, and soul.  When you know it’s right, you just know it.  When the infatuation, the excitement, the newness has worn off….throughout difficulties and setbacks….and you still feel that nothing will ever change how you see that person……and that you still feel in your heart what you did when it was all brand new…..when you want to wake up to their messy hair every morning….when you want to fall asleep to their warm body and occasional sweet little snores…..when you want to watch them slide across the floor in their socks and listen to them sing to the top of their lungs…..when you think it’s cute when they get sidetracked…..when nothing they say gets old and all you want to do is listen to everything they say and take it all in….when you want their eyes to be the last eyes you look into…..when you want their lips to be the last ones you ever kiss….when you want their hand to be the last one you ever hold….when you want to comfort them when they’re in need….to wipe away their tears….when you want to take away all their pain….when you want their smile to be the last smile you see…when you want their face to be the last face you touch…..when you can see yourself with them and are willing to take it slow to see where things go…..when you can picture yourself starting a family with them…..when you always want to work through complications and misunderstandings…..when you are faced with trials and separations and you feel more for them than you did in the beginning……when you want to wait for the time to be right for them……and when all you want is for your special someone to be completely happy in every single way….even if you must put your heart and feelings aside…… when you feel all these things…..infatuation ceases and LOVE begins….LOVE exists……LOVE…..

SELFLESS LOVE……

 

“To love is to risk not being loved in return….but risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

 

You can risk saying those three powerful words, before knowing if it is infatuation or love….that is your choice.

I choose to take a risk……not for infatuation….but a risk……for LOVE!!!

 

~Bek~