You Have A Choice!!! Wednesday, Feb 5 2014 

735178_10200242197079716_77444777_n After reading several statuses, on Facebook, in the past few days, I thought I should share this: I used to question why things have happened to me – why have people treated me as they have – referring to past relationships, past friendships, etc. I would get so tired of being used, hurt, talked down to, made to feel guilty, and rejected.  Yet, I have never been one who enjoys drama (except the kind of drama found on TV and in movies – you have to have a little SVU, in your life!!).  I steer clear of drama, every chance I get, trying to keep the peace, as much as possible.  At times, I have felt manipulated, and only wanted around when needed; at times, I was.  Many times, I felt played; many times, I was.  But, it was easier to just keep my opinions to myself, to just do what I was asked, to give more than what was being received – not because I’m a pushover… again, I was keeping the peace.  You see, I was always told to “be me.”  I didn’t like how others were treating me.  I didn’t want to be like them.  So, I gave of myself, how I would hope others would be to me.  I still do. While reading those certain statuses, that I mentioned earlier, I saw in them pain, hurt, bitterness, rejection.  I saw anger, depression, and shame.  I saw blame, manipulation, and control – blaming another for something (which, may have indeed been true), but allowing that persons actions to eventually control their own; hence, the cross-manipulation, bitterness, anger, resentment, etc.  Sure, my life has not been the easiest.  These last few years – 2010 & 2011 – were two of my hardest years.  2012, was on the verge of that as well, but during my hardest month, of 2012, I was told something that really struck me:

No one can control the actions of others. But, what can be controlled is how you allow others to treat you…and how you react to it.

“No one can make you feel inferior, without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt “Men will treat you the way you let them.” – Tucker Max The realization came to me… It is perfectly acceptable to “be me,” but it is also perfectly acceptable to set boundaries for myself.  I cannot solely fault those, who have hurt or used me, for their actions, for it has been my actions that have decided, in the end, what “happened to me.”  I said all of that, to say this… if you feel used, don’t allow yourself to be used again.  Be you and be there for that person, yet set your boundaries! You may not be able to jump and fulfill their every need… DO THEY HELP YOU TOO?  If you feel manipulated, don’t manipulate back… STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!  YOU DESERVE BETTER!  If someone hurts you.. TELL THEM.. TALK IT OUT.. DO NOT HURT BACK!  (If you do, you’re only stooping to their level.)  If you’re being played… again, you deserve better.  Someone who loves you and cares about you will NOT play you… WALK AWAY!!!!  If you have been rejected… that was that person’s loss… don’t keep looking at the door that’s closed.. there is someone else waiting for you to see them… OPEN THE NEXT DOOR!!!  Be with the person that knows what they have when they have you… not after they lose you. You may think you have such a horrible life, but you’re making it horrible, by dwelling on what is done and cannot be changed.  At this moment, you have the right to change your story’s ending.  Start writing the next chapter.  Stop worrying yourself, with the actions of others.  Sure it’s ok to question, but start controlling the way you deal with it. You may have been the victim, but you have a choice whether or not to stay the victim.  You also have the choice whether or not to be the next offender.  FORGIVE AND MOVE ON!!!!! STOP POSTING YOUR PROBLEMS ON FACEBOOK…. and BE HAPPY FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE GOING RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE!!! Live life knowing that, no matter what others have done, or chose to do to you, you gave it your best shot… for yourself, and for others.  Let people know how you want to be treated.  Place your boundaries.  Don’t lose yourself in others. Stop concerning yourself with trying to make someone else a better person… BE A BETTER YOU!!! Remember this… Disempowerment is YOUR CHOICE and ONLY YOURS!!!   ~Bek

Created Broken Saturday, Mar 5 2011 

I am broken….

…..broken in my thoughts

…..broken in my joy

…..broken in my hopes and dreams

…..broken in my heart….

….I am broken.

 

I began to question, am I broken beyond repair?  Am I restorable?

Then I realized….

I am not just a broken creation….I was created broken.

 

 Yes, my flesh is broken…

but in order for me to be whole….

my SPIRIT must also be broken.

 

Psalms 51:17 ~ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit:  a broken and a contrite heart — These, O God, You will not despise.

Psalms 34:18 ~ The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Isaiah 57:15 ~ I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite heart and humble spirit, To revive the spirit of the humble, And to revive the heart of the contrite ones.

 

“I’m falling apart.  I’m barely breathing.  With a broken heart.  That’s still beating.  In the pain.  Is there healing.  In your name.  I find meaning.  So I’m holding on.  I’m barely holding on to you.”

 

 

I am broken….

…..broken before You, O God

…..broken in my spirit

…..broken in humility

…..broken of my own will….

….I am broken.

 

I no longer see myself as a broken creation.  I was created broken for a purpose.

I was created broken….broken so I might be made whole in Him.

 

~Bek~

The Uncertainties of Life Monday, Jan 10 2011 

A friend asked if I had made any New Years resolutions…to which, of course, I replied, “No.”  I haven’t made resolutions in quite a while.  (I have never really believed in them, because you don’t just change the way you are at the stroke of midnight.)  She then asked me what was the one thing that I would choose if I had to.  It really hit me.  What I want this year is to be completely true to myself and to who I am.  I no longer want to worry about how others perceive me.  I am an honest person, but I want to be a more open person to those I love and to those that I truly care about.  I have a problem sharing things vocally at times, usually worried that I will say the wrong things, or worried that I cannot accurately express myself.  I’m tired of living with regrets because of the things I have chosen not to say and/or do.  I do not know what lies ahead of me and this change in my outlook…and my desire to have more self-confidence in this new year.  It will be a challenge…but I will achieve it.

All this triggered my thought process…about change…uncertainties…and regrets.  Who is to know what the future holds?  Who is to know where each step we take will lead us?  But what opportunities will we miss out on if we do not choose to take those steps toward our future?

Life is full  of uncertainties – doubt, hesitancy, indeterminacy, unpredictability, indefiniteness.  We ask ourselves, “what if?”….   What if things never change?  What if they do and it is the wrong decision?  What if I regret taking a chance on something?  What if I don’t take that chance, will I regret never taking it? ….  What if!?  We can ask ourselves that question all day long, but if we wait to do everything until we know for sure that things are right, or certain, then we will never do much of anything.  We have to make choices, take chances, and at times make changes, in order to survive this crazy thing called life.  Uncertainty – worry, skepticism, concern, confusion, indecision.  What if!? …  If – a supposition; an uncertainty.  Asking the question, “what if,” will either make us step back and reevaluate, or make us lose out on greater possibilities.  How will we ever know what the future holds by always stopping and asking ourselves “what if”?  Life is full of regrets…but it’s not the things you do that you regret, it’s the things that you don’t do and wish you had that you regret the most.  No choice, chance, or change in life is ever perfect.  That is what makes life – our existence – so hard at times.  Our uncertainties can either develop us or damage us.  Change can be consumed with fear…fear of heartache or regret.  We have to stop and ask ourselves, what will we lose in this change; but we must also ask ourselves, is this fear of change really worth losing the possibility of gaining something greater?  Choice – selection; chance – possibility, or favorable opportunity; change – to transform, or to pass gradually into.  We cannot predict the future.  We cannot determine what will happen next in life.  All we can do is take baby steps into the next window of opportunity.  Though there are always consequences to every decision made, live in the moment and choose what will make you happy.  Growth does not happen without change.  Change does not happen without fear, pain, or loss.  Without pain, we have no growth.  Every decision can be made without regrets as long as you are able, in the end, to look in the mirror with a smile on your face and say, “life has its uncertainties and its what if’s, but I am determined to live it, knowing that I opened the door of change for greater possibilities.”  Life is full of uncertainties – we can either let them control us, or we can overcome them…we all have a choice…

I, for one, no longer want to live in fear of change and the things that I desire.  I am holding on to faith — the belief in what I cannot see, prove, or touch.  I am choosing to run, FULL-SPEED, into the unknown.

“Sometimes those things that scare us the most are also the ones that have the potential to make us the happiest.”

From this point on…I will learn to care less about what others think of me…and focus more on who I am…the person I am becoming…and my happiness.  I will surround myself with people who know that I make mistakes and still love me anyway.  I will always strive to do my best for others, but I am not perfect.

Take me as I am….or watch me as I go.

~Bek~