You Have A Choice!!! Wednesday, Feb 5 2014 

735178_10200242197079716_77444777_n After reading several statuses, on Facebook, in the past few days, I thought I should share this: I used to question why things have happened to me – why have people treated me as they have – referring to past relationships, past friendships, etc. I would get so tired of being used, hurt, talked down to, made to feel guilty, and rejected.  Yet, I have never been one who enjoys drama (except the kind of drama found on TV and in movies – you have to have a little SVU, in your life!!).  I steer clear of drama, every chance I get, trying to keep the peace, as much as possible.  At times, I have felt manipulated, and only wanted around when needed; at times, I was.  Many times, I felt played; many times, I was.  But, it was easier to just keep my opinions to myself, to just do what I was asked, to give more than what was being received – not because I’m a pushover… again, I was keeping the peace.  You see, I was always told to “be me.”  I didn’t like how others were treating me.  I didn’t want to be like them.  So, I gave of myself, how I would hope others would be to me.  I still do. While reading those certain statuses, that I mentioned earlier, I saw in them pain, hurt, bitterness, rejection.  I saw anger, depression, and shame.  I saw blame, manipulation, and control – blaming another for something (which, may have indeed been true), but allowing that persons actions to eventually control their own; hence, the cross-manipulation, bitterness, anger, resentment, etc.  Sure, my life has not been the easiest.  These last few years – 2010 & 2011 – were two of my hardest years.  2012, was on the verge of that as well, but during my hardest month, of 2012, I was told something that really struck me:

No one can control the actions of others. But, what can be controlled is how you allow others to treat you…and how you react to it.

“No one can make you feel inferior, without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt “Men will treat you the way you let them.” – Tucker Max The realization came to me… It is perfectly acceptable to “be me,” but it is also perfectly acceptable to set boundaries for myself.  I cannot solely fault those, who have hurt or used me, for their actions, for it has been my actions that have decided, in the end, what “happened to me.”  I said all of that, to say this… if you feel used, don’t allow yourself to be used again.  Be you and be there for that person, yet set your boundaries! You may not be able to jump and fulfill their every need… DO THEY HELP YOU TOO?  If you feel manipulated, don’t manipulate back… STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!  YOU DESERVE BETTER!  If someone hurts you.. TELL THEM.. TALK IT OUT.. DO NOT HURT BACK!  (If you do, you’re only stooping to their level.)  If you’re being played… again, you deserve better.  Someone who loves you and cares about you will NOT play you… WALK AWAY!!!!  If you have been rejected… that was that person’s loss… don’t keep looking at the door that’s closed.. there is someone else waiting for you to see them… OPEN THE NEXT DOOR!!!  Be with the person that knows what they have when they have you… not after they lose you. You may think you have such a horrible life, but you’re making it horrible, by dwelling on what is done and cannot be changed.  At this moment, you have the right to change your story’s ending.  Start writing the next chapter.  Stop worrying yourself, with the actions of others.  Sure it’s ok to question, but start controlling the way you deal with it. You may have been the victim, but you have a choice whether or not to stay the victim.  You also have the choice whether or not to be the next offender.  FORGIVE AND MOVE ON!!!!! STOP POSTING YOUR PROBLEMS ON FACEBOOK…. and BE HAPPY FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE GOING RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE!!! Live life knowing that, no matter what others have done, or chose to do to you, you gave it your best shot… for yourself, and for others.  Let people know how you want to be treated.  Place your boundaries.  Don’t lose yourself in others. Stop concerning yourself with trying to make someone else a better person… BE A BETTER YOU!!! Remember this… Disempowerment is YOUR CHOICE and ONLY YOURS!!!   ~Bek

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Be mine? Infatuation vs. Love Tuesday, Feb 15 2011 

Valentines Day 2011

Today, I read many Facebook posts saying “I Love You” – between married couples, dating couples, the old, and the young.  I sat there contemplating how many of these posts were really based on love or just infatuation.

Infatuation

“foolish or all-absorbing passion or instance of this; foolish or extravagant passion”

 

LOVE

“a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm, personal attachment or deep affection; affectionate concern for the well-being of another”

 

Too many times, I see people, both young and old, abusing the word “LOVE.”  It’s meaning becomes diminished by infatuation, instead of the REAL THING.

 

THE SIMILARITIES:

Infatuation and Love, both, typically begin with attraction.  They both give the feeling of excitement and happiness.  They both leave you desiring more.

 

THE DIFFERENCES:

 

Infatuation

carried by attraction; physical desire; crush; lust……based solely on emotions (attraction)……focused on outward beauty……blind to flaws…..avoid problems……anxiety…..insecure and jealous…..fear of loneliness…..you compromise yourself and change who you are for that person….focused on the physical relationship……”I would die if you left me”…..mainly interested in satisfying your needs or wants….you want what you are feeling to be reciprocated above all else…..you aren’t aware of what you are getting yourself in, but rather act on impulse…..”in love” with the idea of being in love……when the excitement has worn off, you begin to see the person differently……weakened by time and separation

 

LOVE

romance; passion; attachment; commitment…..communication and devotion outweigh physical intimacy and emotions…..open and honest to flaws, but accept the person for everything they are……and without trying to change them for you, encourage them to be everything they can be……willing to work through all problems…..compromise through decisions……trusting…..feeling your soul connected with another……you work together as one…….without compromising principles and convictions, because you share common goals, morals, faith, interests……you respect each other….and even though you continue to grow within yourselves, allow yourselves to grow within each other and with GOD…..your emotions deepen with time, even through misunderstandings and conflicts…..you do not expect anything in return……wanting the best for the other person, whether or not you get hurt in the end……you want the other person to be completely happy with our without you…..you are very aware of what you are getting yourself into and you want it with everything you have……you stop and think about it, yet still want it…..when the excitement has worn off, you still feel for that person like you did in the very beginning….you still want to be with that person through thick and thin….strengthened by time and separation….even through the pain…..

 

Infatuation is based on attraction and impulse.  Infatuated with the idea of romance and love.  When infatuation transcends beyond these things….it grows into love.

Love is based on attraction, communication, attachment, passion, commitment.  Love is patient.  Love is understanding.  Love is seeing the person for EVERYTHING they are.  Love is looking into a person’s heart and soul.  Love is trust, not jealousy.  Love is based on mutual respect.  Love, though it involves compromise and effort, is held together because you truly want it to.  Love means having the desire to wake up every morning to that person beside you.  Love means, after time, you are still able to look at that person and say, “This feeling I’m feeling is something I’ve never known and I just can’t take my eyes off of you.”  “For it was not  into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.  It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”  Love means loving the little things, the things that most would never see.  Love means giving everything you have to it, because you know it’s worth it.  “To love unconditionally, you give them your whole heart, not just bits and pieces from behind a wall with limits and conditions.”  And love…. LOVE….TRUE LOVE….means wanting happiness for the other person…and there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to make them feel your love….even if it means letting them go.

 

The first time I said “I love you,” it was based on infatuation…..infatuation with the idea of love….the idea of relationship…..the idea of never again being alone.  I spent part of my life in a relationship that was primarily based on that infatuation.  Sure, I grew to care, which grew to love.  But LOVE and being IN LOVE are two different things.  That relationship ended.   I vowed that I would never again say the words “I LOVE YOU,” unless I truly meant it with every part of my body, mind, heart, and soul.  When you know it’s right, you just know it.  When the infatuation, the excitement, the newness has worn off….throughout difficulties and setbacks….and you still feel that nothing will ever change how you see that person……and that you still feel in your heart what you did when it was all brand new…..when you want to wake up to their messy hair every morning….when you want to fall asleep to their warm body and occasional sweet little snores…..when you want to watch them slide across the floor in their socks and listen to them sing to the top of their lungs…..when you think it’s cute when they get sidetracked…..when nothing they say gets old and all you want to do is listen to everything they say and take it all in….when you want their eyes to be the last eyes you look into…..when you want their lips to be the last ones you ever kiss….when you want their hand to be the last one you ever hold….when you want to comfort them when they’re in need….to wipe away their tears….when you want to take away all their pain….when you want their smile to be the last smile you see…when you want their face to be the last face you touch…..when you can see yourself with them and are willing to take it slow to see where things go…..when you can picture yourself starting a family with them…..when you always want to work through complications and misunderstandings…..when you are faced with trials and separations and you feel more for them than you did in the beginning……when you want to wait for the time to be right for them……and when all you want is for your special someone to be completely happy in every single way….even if you must put your heart and feelings aside…… when you feel all these things…..infatuation ceases and LOVE begins….LOVE exists……LOVE…..

SELFLESS LOVE……

 

“To love is to risk not being loved in return….but risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

 

You can risk saying those three powerful words, before knowing if it is infatuation or love….that is your choice.

I choose to take a risk……not for infatuation….but a risk……for LOVE!!!

 

~Bek~

a road untraveled….to a world unseen Friday, Jan 21 2011 

 

We make a plan for our lives…. we dream… we seek a future… a road that we choose to follow, as we see fit, in order to reach the destination we have  created for ourselves.  This road, has been traveled by others before us.  It has been traveled by others with the same dreams, the same desires, the same fleshly wants.  There are footprints in this road…so many we don’t know which to follow and which to avoid.  It is lined with many road signs:  go forward, speed up, slow down, back up, yield, turn around.  More times than none, we reach a dead-end.  By the time we reach our destination, we lose who we are, who we wanted to become, and more importantly who GOD wants us to become.  We must STOP!  What is the purpose of trying to find ways to continue down that road, when the person we have become is not who we want to be?    What is the purpose of being miserable in who we are and in a destination that leaves us longing for more?


Hopes and dreams, and all the things

That you have ever made

It don’t mean much if in the end

You have lost your way

 

STOP!!  Refocus…..


Do not continue on the dead-end journey, a journey that you know is not going to change, a journey to a destination that is not complementary to your future.

 

STOP!!  Make a change…..

 

“Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”


Too many times, we get accustomed to the life, the journey, the destination.   Too many times we choose to keep things as they are, no matter how dismal things have become.  Too many times we fear letting go of the familiar.  Too many times we lose out on a better life, a better journey, a better destination.

 

“In the midst of your greatest struggle lies the greatest opportunity for growth.  You grow through struggle.”

 

When the “dead-end” of our journey is reached, we struggle….we struggle with worry, with fear, with pain, with hurt.  We become afraid of the what if’s in life and the fears of regret.  However, we can learn from these struggles….and by giving them to GOD….we can grow.

 

Guilt and pain…

Here and now

Lay them down at the Savior’s feet…

Let go of all you know

Only then can life be found

Surrender all you hold

Lay it down, Lay it down, Lay it down


STOP!!  Seek HIM….

 

“The greatest thing in this life is not where we stand, but in what direction we are moving.”

“Leave the broken, irreversible past in God’s hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.”

 

Cry out to your Heavenly Father….. leave your will behind and seek after HIS PERFECT WILL.  Let no dead end of your human desires stop you from seeking after the WILL OF GOD!!  Do not continue on a journey or continually live in a destination that leaves you hungry….hungry for love…hungry for peace….hungry for happiness…hungry for an understanding….hungry for a WALK and a RELATIONSHIP with GOD. Do not remain in a destination of uncertainty or constraint.  The past is the past and the present destination can be changed.  The pain, the hurt, the worry, the fear……place them in the hands of JESUS CHRIST….and move FORWARD!!  HE will take care of everything else, when you choose to follow after HIM.

 

STOP!!  Pray….


 

And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

For every one that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.

Luke 11:9-10

 

When we seek after Christ and we choose to follow HIS WILL…..we surrender to HIM.  We no longer choose to walk by fear, but by FAITH.

 

“FAITH makes things possible….not easy.”


The new road in HIM will not be easy, but HE has a plan and a purpose.  Though we do not see the destination, HE does.  When we ask for a way out, when we ask for direction, when we ask for a new journey and a new destination….HIS WORD says that WE SHALL RECEIVE, WE SHALL FIND, and the door SHALL BE OPENED.  When HE answers your prayers….follow HIM.  Hold on by faith to HIM.  HE will lead you on a new road.  It will be a road where the only footprints are HIS.  It will be a journey where the only road signs say “FOLLOW ME.

 

If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be…

John 12:26

 

GO!!!  Follow HIM by FAITH…..

 

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you’ll discover will be wonderful.  What you’ll discover is yourself.”

 

You will find yourself in HIM….in HIS journey for you….and then you will discover your new destination…a new dream…a new future….with all the fullness of love….of happiness…of peace….

 

What have you got to lose?

Think of all you have to gain


HIS light….your light…awaits….

 

at the end of a road yet untraveled…..that leads to a world yet unseen…….

 

YOUR road…..YOUR world…..HIS PERFECT WILL……

 

 


 

~BEK~